how am i supposed to grasp onto a concept as fucked up as this? i can't even look in her direction without feeling sick to my stomach, seeing his name makes me want to shrivel up and die. how can something so simple make me so abruptly want to disappear from the two people who have meant more to me than anything ever has? every item i stare at becomes a total blur. all i can think about is the thousands of different scenarios that could unfold from every single choice that could possibly be made. i'm angry. i'm mad. i'm selfish. (no you're not) (yes you are) i'm being selfless. (what about you?) what about them? i'm disgusted. i'm curious. who what when where...