I'd like to express my current sentiments:

a) it's my birthday in 2 hours and I am hacking up blood and taking 5 hours to walk to my room and getting the chills and sweating my clothes off. (unhealthy)

b) on the other hand, i'm very glad i didn't place my birthday for wednesday's pro-d day because then i'd probably have to cancel because of said unhealthiness. (relieved)

c) i've been pondering and thinking and i've come to the conclusion that i am going to let the chips fall where they may. (content)

d) it is taking me so long to type this because i'm thinking in slow motion so i'll just stick to listening to my sap songs. (retarded)

f) birthday texts. (loved)

all in all, besides the dizziness and aching bones, septembers been quite a ride of greys whites and blacks. september 29th is going to be my legitimate turning point...regret nothing, never slow down and make this life worth living for me and everyone i know.

...hold onto that feeling.