what future?
3.2.09
it still hasn't hit me, the fact that i'm growing up. doing this guidance assignment, and looking up all these post secondary programs is making me be less and less determined of what i want to do. am i just taking the easy way out? or am i following what i'm naturally good at? whatever you call it, i'm avoiding much more interesting paths because i think i'm unable to do them. which isn't true, but my laziness has become my conscience. no one "can't do" anything...it is based solely on work ethic and even though it may seem like i'm such a hard worker, i'm built on shortcuts and cutting corners. i've weaved my way though life, making it seem totally effortless, but underneath is a foundation of lies. there is still room for change, but as much as i tell myself i will do this, i will do that, i know me better than that. i'm not ready for change. as much as the thought of moving out and paying my own bills and going to school that actually costs money plagues me, i'd give anything for me, and the people around me, to be born into a better life. to have it all. i don't know where i'm at, i don't know what i want right now - let alone five months from now, let alone five years. it's time to stop and actually make a few decisions. no more living off "i'm not sure"'s..